


The Hero's Tail

by Shanghai_OhMy



Category: Mao Mao: Heroes of Pure Heart (Cartoon)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Flashbacks, Fluff and Angst, Love Confessions, M/M, Naked Cuddling, No Sex, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Romance, Sexual Tension, Touch-Starved, it's cute and gay and they talk about trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-11
Updated: 2019-09-11
Packaged: 2020-10-14 16:00:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,451
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20603474
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shanghai_OhMy/pseuds/Shanghai_OhMy
Summary: Mao Mao has finally confessed his romantic feelings to Badgerclops! So now Badgerclops would like to see him naked, please.This is a short fic about the ways in which Mao Mao's traumas and insecurities are reflected in his body, and how Badgerclops helps him make peace with that. I wanted to zoom in on Mao Mao early in his process of recovery - his thoughts and coping mechanisms are still pretty bad, but he's actively trying to do better.





	The Hero's Tail

“ABSOLUTELY not!” Mao Mao shouted, standing and slamming his fist on the arm of the couch.

He and Badgerclops had been relaxing in the living room together on a quiet fall night. It was pleasant and peaceful, at least up until now.

Badgerclops sat on the opposite end of the couch, concern on his face. “Hey, Mao, it’s alright.” He leaned forward and gently took hold of Mao Mao’s hand. “I’m sorry I pushed you on it.” Badgerclops knew that he probably should have dropped it earlier. After years of traveling and living together, he’d gotten pretty good at knowing when a subject was sensitive for Mao Mao. Hell, he’d even tried to talk about this specific thing before to no avail. But now that Mao Mao had finally admitted his romantic feelings, Badgerclops felt emboldened. And he needed to find out:  _ Why had he never, in all this time, seen Mao Mao naked? _

Mao Mao unclenched his fist and took a deep breath. He’d worked with Blue on this.  _ Count to ten. Breathe. _ He met Badgerclops’s concerned gaze after a beat. “I’m… sorry too. I shouldn’t have yelled like that.”

Badgerclops tugged his hand a little closer. “Do you want to talk about it?” Badgerclops adjusted himself on the couch, making space for Mao Mao to sit between his legs. 

Mao Mao nodded and climbed onto the couch. He scooted close to Badgerclops, sinking into the familiar warmth of his soft fur. He rested the back of his head on Badgerclops’s stomach, using it like a pillow. Badgerclops carefully wrapped an arm around him, engulfing Mao Mao in a comforting embrace. Mao Mao allowed himself to sink in for a moment.  _ How did I ever get by without this? _ He swallowed hard as he opened his eyes, staring up at the ceiling. Although he’d been working on a lot with Dr. Blue, he still had a hard time talking face to face about stuff like this. It was too… vulnerable.

“It’s not… it’s not about you, Badgerclops.” Mao Mao twisted the hem of his cape uneasily in his gloved hand. “I mean, I don’t want  _ anyone  _ to see me naked!” He laughed nervously.

Badgerclops shifted slightly. “That’s not really what I was asking, but, uh… thanks?”

Mao Mao sighed. “Badgerclops, I’m… I’m small. D-don’t get me wrong, I possess a power and fury the likes of which has never before been seen, and I could take down any monster any time without breaking a sweat,” Mao Mao blustered, “but I still… don’t like being small. Or feeling small.”

Badgerclops pulled his arm away from Mao Mao a little, leaving him more wiggle room. He chose his words very carefully. “Do I make you feel small?” 

Mao Mao nodded, then considered silently for a moment. “It’s different,” he said, sitting up and leaning into Badgerclops a little less. “Badgerclops, you’re… enormous-”

“Hehe, yeah.” Badgerclops giggled.

“-and, yes, sometimes I get so jealous that I could just-” he squeezed his cape between his hands like he was strangling the life out of some small creature.

Badgerclops elected to stay silent.

“But,” Mao Mao said, releasing the cape with a controlled exhale, “you’re gentle. And… you’ve never…” Mao Mao’s insides curdled at how pathetic this was about to be. He turned over on his side, speaking into the couch cushions with great difficulty. “You’ve never hurt me, or betrayed me, or… abandoned me.” 

His tongue felt disgusting just saying it. It was completely unbecoming of a legendary hero to feel this way.  _ But a hero always tells the truth, no matter how hard.  _ He scrunched up his face as though he’d just eaten a lemon (a frequent training exercise of his) and carried on.

“You’re freakishly tall, and strong, and… and I feel safe when you hold me!” Mao Mao rushed the last part out as fast as possible and then slammed his face into the couch cushions to block out any possibility of seeing Badgerclops’s reaction.

_ Heroic. _

A little jolt of surprise shot through Mao Mao as Badgerclops’s hand touched the back of his head. Badgerclops began to gently stroke him with the flat side of a single finger. “I’m glad I make you feel safe, dude,” he said. “That’s like, my whole  _ thing! _ I want you to feel loved, you know? Plus you make me feel safe too, so like, win-win.”

Mao Mao turned over again and looked at Badgerclops. “I make you feel safe?” 

The mix of confusion and hopefulness in his voice pierced directly into Badgerclops’s heart. “Uhh, yeah? Have you even been on the same adventure as me the last few years? My old crew would have abandoned me at the drop of a hat. Literally! They literally did that once! But you’re always there for me. Sure, you’re stubborn, and egoistical, and you make bad decisions a lot, and-” he cut himself off. “The point is, I know that you love me, and you’d fight for me with everything you’ve got if I needed it. And I know I can trust you, and it feels, like, REALLY good.”

Mao Mao didn’t say anything, but he grabbed Badgerclops’s arm and held it tight. Badgerclops was surprised to feel a few hot tears drip onto his fur.

“I…” Mao Mao said, sniffling, “I feel that way around you too. It’s just so hard allow myself that... comfort.” He stopped crying nearly as abruptly as he’d started. “I treated myself so badly for so long... crying like this just... makes me feel guilty.”

Badgerclops lifted Mao Mao into a tighter hug. “Hey, it’s okay, man! Your dad fucked you up ’cause he sucks. But you’re already getting so much better! Can you even imagine us talking about this before you started therapy?”

Mao Mao barked out a small laugh. “I’d be in the dojo hitting things with Geraldine by now.”

“See? Look at us! We’re coping!”

There was a long silence.

“...so can I see your butt?” Badgerclops ventured.

“NO YOU CANNOT SEE MY BUTT!!” Mao Mao thrashed his arms in agitation.

“Okay, then how about your paws?”

“RRRGH, why are you being so annoying about this?!”

“BECAUSE I THINK YOU’RE HOT!” Badgerclops yelled, far louder than he had intended to.

Mao Mao was dumbfounded. Somehow he hadn’t considered the possibility that Badgerclops might have some…  _ carnal _ attraction to him. It seemed so laughably impossible that he’d never even thought about it. And now he felt like a complete moron for not seeing it earlier. The strange looks while he was training, the touches that lingered for too long, the groping his butt when they kissed-  _ OH COME ON HOW DID I MISS THAT!  _ Mao Mao felt himself blushing intensely.  _ Moron! How did you not see it sooner? Wait, shit, he’s talking! _

“-way out of line, and maybe I should just go-”

“Woah woah, slow down, what?”

“I said I’m sorry.” Badgerclops stood up from the couch. “I’ll leave you alone now.” He sounded heartbroken.

“No!!” Mao Mao shouted, reaching an arm out towards Badgerclops. It looked way more desperate than he’d thought it would. He cleared his throat, attempting to regain some cool. “I mean, uh, please, take a seat next to me.” He cringed internally.  _ What am I, some kind of businessman? _

“Oh… kay…” Badgerclops sat on the opposite side of the couch, facing Mao Mao.

Mao Mao cursed under his breath. Why had he made Badgerclops sit  _ there? _ Now he’d have to look Badgerclops in the eye. His hastily-formed resolve wavered.  _ A hero rises to any challenge, _ he thought as he steeled himself.

“Badgerclops, I… I didn’t realize you thought about me that way,” Mao Mao started. It was unbelievably hard to make eye contact. “Because, I’m… well, you know.”

“Bangin’? A catch? A total babe?”

“Oh would you please just let me… NO!!” Mao Mao flopped back into the corner of the sofa. “I’m… small! I’m not all big and buff and attractive! And even though my body is a finely honed weapon that could-”

“-take down any monster any time without breaking a sweat,” Badgerclops said in unison with him.

Mao Mao shot Badgerclops a death glare, which he returned with a grin.

“I just… never thought about myself like that.” Mao Mao finished.

“Aw, Mao…” Badgerclops leaned across the sofa to give him a gentle kiss on the cheek. “I’ve always thought you were like, the handsomest guy alive. I just figured you, uh, probably didn’t feel the same about me. I mean, I’m always covered in crumbs, and I get pretty sweaty… Plus I’m missing an eye.”

_ He thought I wasn’t attracted to him? _ Mao Mao’s face went blank for a moment as one of the many, many fantasies he’d had about Badgerclops in the past scrolled through his head in fast motion. He cleared his throat awkwardly. “Badgerclops, I, uh… I also have feelings for you! Sexually speaking.”

Badgerclops looked surprised. A very cute blush spread across his cheeks. 

“I’m just not sure if I can let myself be like that,” Mao Mao interjected before Badgerclops could say anything. “Even… even if it’s with you.”

Badgerclops nodded slowly, understanding. They sat for a moment.

“Do you wanna try?” Badgerclops asked, breaking the silence.

Mao Mao snorted. “You can’t ’try’ being naked, Badgerclops. You’re either wearing clothes, or you aren’t! Pff, I mean come on, it’s pretty simple!”

Badgerclops ignored that. “I’ll close my eye, and you can take your stuff off, and then if you don’t like it you can just get dressed again before I even see you. Okay?”

Mao Mao considered for a moment. He wanted to take this step with Badgerclops. He imagined himself pressed against Badgerclops’s strong yet soft frame, lovingly caressed by those big hands… it was something he’d pined after for ages, though he’d shoved it down for so long. It would be so nice to just… 

Mao Mao’s eyes shot wide in panic. “What if there’s a monster?!”

Badgerclops sighed. “Come on Mao, there’s not going to be a-”

“You don’t know that!!” Mao Mao shouted, cutting him off. “What if a monster comes and terrorizes the city and we’re up here…  _ canoodling! _ ” He spat the last word out with disgust.

“Okay, one, you’ll just put your armor back on and we’ll go deal with it, and two... canoodling? Seriously? When did you turn eighty?”

“Oh I’m sorry, do you prefer ’snogging’?” Mao Mao put a deeply exaggerated accent on the word.

“HEY, you KNOW we don’t talk about my old accent!” Badgerclops shouted.

There was a tense silence.

“Listen,” Badgerclops said, relaxing his body and easing the tension. “I know you take being a hero really seriously, and you want to do a good job. But you can’t keep using the possibility that someone might need you as a reason to deny yourself things that would make you happy. Every time you’re about to do something nice for yourself, you end up freaking out about a monster and you stop. Mao, you  _ know _ this is just another way of hurting yourself, right?”

Mao Mao remained silent.

“You remember when we first got here and you wouldn’t even let yourself sleep?” Badgerclops recalled. “Every night I went to bed and you just like, sat there staring at the monster alarm. You told me a true hero would never be caught sleeping when people needed him. And then when it finally happened, you totally collapsed as soon as the fight was done. Adorabat literally thought you were dead, dude.”

Mao Mao scoffed. “How is me not stripping for you the same thing?”

“The point is, it wasn’t healthy! You wouldn’t do  _ anything _ for yourself, not even  _ sleep _ ! And you got better at doing what you need, but you still kinda suck at doing what you want.”

Dr. Blue had said something similar during their last session, though it was worded a little more professionally. Mao Mao rested his face in a gloved hand for a moment. He knew Badgerclops was right. Just a minute ago he was about to agree, and then he’d come up with the monster excuse. He could always think of a million reasons not to do something for himself.  _ Well not this time, brain! _

“...Okay,” Mao Mao said, standing up, “but I’m going behind the couch!”

“Got it!” Badgerclops gave a thumbs up, then closed and covered his eye. He could feel his heart pounding at the idea of holding Mao Mao with absolutely nothing between them. He’d wanted that kind of intimacy with him for ages.

Behind the couch, Mao Mao started by undoing his armor, which he normally took off for sleep anyway. He stacked the plates neatly, padding side down, then slowly pulled off his gloves.  _ This isn’t so bad,  _ he thought.  _ He’s even seen my paws before. He  _ likes _ my paws! _

But Mao Mao paused as he got to his waist sash. He almost never left his stomach exposed. Even when he washed his gear, he would wear a towel around his waist. It was one thing to take his kneepads off, but without his sash he would  _ really  _ feel naked. The waist wrap was part of his heroic look! It was iconic! It… made him feel cool.

He gritted his teeth and removed the sash, winding it into a compact cylinder. The cool night air grazed against his newly-exposed fur. He shivered.  _ Is Badgerclops always this cold? _

Mao Mao breathed deeply. This would be okay. He didn’t need to act like a hero for Badgerclops. He could be vulnerable. He could be small.

But as he reached to undo his cape from around his neck, he paused again. His tail stump… The cape was the only thing keeping it hidden. He could feel his stomach knotting up. That day had been one of the most painful in his life. It was like every horrible thing that had ever happened to him all at once. His breathing became fast and shaky. He’d lost his only companion, been abandoned  _ again  _ by someone who was supposed to love him, and then had to amputate his own tail while fully conscious. He could still remember the feeling of the tip of the blade tingling against his fur as he’d figured out the position for the cut. The screaming, burning pain of the bones crushed under the boulder. Blindly hacking at his own tail while Bao Bao ran off… 

He gasped, tears welling up in his eyes again. He was clutching desperately to the collar clasp of the cape. How could he possibly take it off? He’d trained so hard to balance without his tail, as long as he kept the cape on he could almost forget it was even gone. Nobody else would see it, the scarred and stumped remnant of the tail he’d desperately lopped off while crying alone in a collapsing temple. Nobody would know that he’d been so stupid, that he’d let himself trust someone, that he’d-

“Mao Mao, I promise I’m not peeking but are you okay?” Badgerclops’s voice came from the other side of the couch, urgent and concerned. “I’m right here and it kinda sounds like you’re freaking out.”

_ Badgerclops. _ Barely even thinking, Mao Mao vaulted over the back of the couch, landing just beside him.

“AHH! Dude, wha-”

Before Badgerclops could say anything else, Mao Mao grabbed him around the midriff and shoved his face into Badgerclops’s body, sobbing loudly. Years of horrible pain and isolation came pouring out into Badgerclops’s soft chest.  _ Badgerclops is here. He’s always here.  _

Badgerclops carefully wrapped his own arms around Mao Mao. “Hey, I’m really sorry,” he said, gently stroking Mao Mao’s head, “I had no clue this would be like, so rough. Let’s just be done, dude.” He felt horrible. This wasn’t what he’d wanted at all. He was supposed to be Mao’s boyfriend! They were supposed to be helping each other! Hurting him was the last thing he’d want...

_ Why is he apologizing? _ Mao Mao thought.  _ He wasn’t there. He didn’t even know me before I lost my tail! _ He didn’t think too hard. It felt so good to be comforted like this, Mao Mao just kept on crying. He just wanted to stay like this and let the tears go. 

Then he finally remembered why he had been taking his clothes off in the first place.  _ Shit!  _ He thought. _ Badgerclops thinks I’m crying because he asked me to get naked! He thinks he just traumatized me!  _ A powerful determination to make sure Badgerclops knew that he hadn’t done anything wrong overtook Mao Mao. With great effort, he stopped his sobbing and took a few deep, shaky breaths. He pulled his head back from Badgerclops’s chest, freeing an arm to wipe away his tears from his eyes. He noted with slight embarrassment that he’d gotten a little snot on Badgerclops’s fur.  _ Oops. _

“I-it’s not that…” Mao Mao struggled to get his voice to come out of his throat. “Badgerclops…” He rubbed his face and took a more steady breath. “I’m not upset because of you, okay? I just…” He sighed. “I started to remember the day I lost my tail.” 

Badgerclops hugged Mao Mao tighter. “It sounded… pretty bad.”

Mao Mao nodded. “It doesn’t happen often, but sometimes I get these… these flashbacks, and they’re terrifying. And then I started thinking about you leaving me like that, and I-”

Badgerclops interrupted him with an even tighter squeeze. “Hey, I’m not going anywhere, Mao. I’m right here. Always.”

“Badgerclops, I… I’m…” Mao Mao sighed, choking up. “Thank you.” He nuzzled into Badgerclops’s bicep, strategically avoiding the patch of fur he’d just cried into. 

“Aww dude, it’s alright! You know I love you.” He paused for a moment. “You definitely need to talk to your therapist about that whole tail thing though.”

Mao Mao gave a sniffly laugh. “Yeah, that next session’s gonna be a real mess.”

They cuddled quietly for a while before Mao Mao cleared his throat. “So, uh…” He extricated his limbs from the tangle he’d made with Badgerclops. “I’m… going to do it now.” 

“Huh?” Badgerclops said as Mao Mao stood up from the couch. Before he could ask Mao Mao what he meant, Mao’s hands were undoing the clasp on his cape. With a decisive motion he pulled it from his neck and let it drop to the floor, arm out straight. It caught in a gust of wind and fluttered dramatically as it fell.

_ Oh yeah, that was cool as hell. _

Badgerclops stood up in an instant, and in one swift step covered the distance between them. Mao Mao wasn’t sure he’d ever seen him move that fast. He could feel Badgerclops’s proximity, the warmth of his massive body radiating out onto his fur. Prickling goosebumps swept across Mao Mao’s entire body, frizzing out his fur slightly. Mao Mao was breathing heavily. Badgerclops seemed so much larger now than he ever had before. Mao Mao had no idea what this feeling even was. 

Then Badgerclops pulled him into a desperately tight hug, the kind of squeeze that would have knocked the air out of a lesser warrior. It was electric, feeling Badgerclops’s arms on his bare back. No cape, no sash, just fur touching fur. It was like he was melting. 

“I wanted this for so long,” Badgerclops said, gently releasing Mao Mao.

“I… Me too.” Mao Mao smiled. “You feel nice.”

“Yeah man, you too.” Badgerclops stepped back and looked Mao Mao up and down. It was funny how different he looked with just a few accessories removed. He was softer somehow without the sash. His paws were a lot smaller without the gloves. Altogether he seemed a little… fragile. 

Badgerclops felt a sharp pang of protectiveness. He knew Mao Mao; he knew that under all the hero crap and the various traumas, Mao was really sensitive. And for the first time ever, he actually looked like it. Badgerclops understood now why Mao Mao had been so adamant about not letting anyone see him naked. This was like, some deep stuff.

Mao Mao blushed, shuffling his feet a bit. It felt very strange to be looked over like this. This whole time Badgerclops had seemed weirdly huge, and being sized up like this just accentuated that. But somehow it was… exhilarating? He thought about how easily Badgerclops could pick him up with just one arm, could pin him down inescapably, could breathe hot and ragged and  _ hungry _ into his ear-

And then Badgerclops’s hands were on Mao Mao’s sides, tracing the curve of his body from chest to hip to knee. Mao Mao froze up.  _ Is he about to..? _ But then he looked up at Badgerclops’s face and saw the same warm, sweet smile he’d loved for so long. This wasn’t lust, Mao Mao realized. It was a gentle, careful, almost awed exploration of his body. It was like Badgerclops was trying to memorize his shape just from touch.  _ Badgerclops must have wanted this kind of... intimacy... for so long, _ Mao Mao thought. _ He’s being so tender... _

“Hey, Mao, can I uh… can I touch your tail?”

Mao Mao tensed up at the idea, but after a moment he closed his eyes and nodded slowly.  _ He cares, _ Mao Mao thought,  _ he cares so much about how I feel… He’s so patient, and careful, and kind…  _ Mao Mao was close to tears.  _ It’s okay for him to see me like this. I-it’s okay for him to touch my tail! I want him to! _

He felt Badgerclops’s hand carefully slide down his back, starting between his shoulder blades and tracing down his spine. He stopped as his hand reached the base of Mao Mao’s tail. Then he tenderly brushed a single finger along the top of the stump, moving along the appendage until it abruptly cut off, and he was only touching air. 

“Will it hurt if I touch the tip?”

Mao Mao shook his head no.

Badgerclops repeated the tracing motion, only this time he turned the corner and gingerly felt the area where Mao Mao had cut his own tail off. It was stiff, and a little lumpy, and the fur was short and wiry. Badgerclops touched the stump as though he were handling some priceless ancient artifact.

“Does it feel okay?” He asked, stopping.

“It... doesn’t really feel like anything,” Mao Mao said. “Well, it tingles. Sort of. I-it’s mostly scar tissue, and the nerves are pretty messed up, so I don’t get much sensation.”

Badgerclops reached his other hand back behind Mao Mao and clasped it around his tail stump as well. He began to slowly massage the skin and fur with his thumbs, carefully maneuvering the tendons and the scar tissue in small circles.

Mao Mao’s knees went weak, and for a second he thought he might collapse.  _ How can this possibly feel so good? _ He realized with shock that nobody else had ever touched his tail stump before, other than the doctor whose doorstep he’d collapsed on right after the cut. He’d never understood just how desperately touch-starved that part of his body was. Even through years of tingling phantom pains, he’d barely touched it himself. It felt so incredibly pleasant to let Badgerclops work at it like he was.

“Please don’t stop,” Mao Mao said quietly as he collapsed forward onto Badgerclops’s kneeling form. He nuzzled his head into Badgerclops’s neck and allowed his body to go limp. 

Badgerclops held Mao Mao up and continued to massage all the way around his tail, gently kneading the flesh. He had to admit, this was pretty weird behavior, even for Mao Mao. He was about to ask Mao if everything was alright when he heard a deep, fluttering sound in his ear. His words caught in his throat. Was Mao Mao… purring?!

It was unmistakable. Badgerclops struggled to keep doing the right thing with his hands. He didn’t want this to stop. Mao Mao had never purred with him before, even when they were cuddling. He almost couldn’t believe it. The vibrations seemed to travel straight into his body from Mao Mao’s. It was like the low, audible rumbling was just a weak echo. This was perfect. This was everything he’d ever wanted. Mao Mao was so comfortable and happy that he was purring. Badgerclops could stay like this forever.

\---

Badgerclops glanced up at the wall clock. It had only been a few minutes, but Mao Mao was fast asleep on his shoulders. It was surprising; Mao usually had pretty bad insomnia, but here he was sleeping in Badgerclops’s arms without a care in the world. And Badgerclops wasn’t about to wake him up and ruin that. So he carefully picked Mao Mao up over his shoulder and stood up slowly, checking to make sure that Mao Mao was still asleep.

He crept his way towards their bedroom, trying to keep his steps light and his shoulders level. Although the moment they were having was sweet, Badgerclops’s brows were knitted with concern.  _ Flashbacks? _ He thought.  _ Mao never said anything about flashbacks. _ Some pieces began to click into place. Mao told the story of his tail like it was part of his heroic legend, the tragic backstory that he rose from the ashes of. The first time Badgerclops heard it, it had seemed like Mao Mao was totally over it. But now Badgerclops realized that that was just a defense mechanism. Framing it like that let Mao Mao pretend that it was somehow inevitable and almost cool. But deep down he was still hurting from that day. 

Badgerclops’s gears were turning. Sometimes Mao Mao would have terrible nightmares, but he would never tell Badgerclops what they were about. Now Badgerclops was certain that he knew.  _ Is this even scratching the surface? _ He wondered.  _ What else is hurting him? _

At this point he’d reached the bunk bed. Silently thanking Mao Mao for switching to the bottom bunk, he gently lowered him onto the mattress. Mao Mao stirred slightly, stretching out and then curling up into a compact ball.  _ How is he so cute?! _

A moment later, Badgerclops returned holding Mao Mao’s stuff from behind the couch. He placed the armor and sash next to the bed, then gently laid the cape over Mao Mao like a blanket.

Just as Badgerclops straightened up to climb to his bunk, Mao Mao spoke. “Badgerclops..?”

He leaned back down to look at Mao Mao. “Yeah Mao?”

“Don’t… tell anyone, okay?” Mao Mao sounded almost afraid.

Badgerclops placed a hand on Mao Mao’s shoulder. “You’re safe with me, Mao Mao. Always.”

He climbed to the top bunk.

“Badgerclops… I love you.”

“I love you too.”

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first Mao Mao fic, and I'd love to do more! I lost the characters' voices here and there but overall I'm proud of it. Let me know what you think!


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